It's once again Tuesday, the day I'm allowed to subject you all to my random thoughts (oh, wait. This is my blog. I can do that any darn day I want. -> insert maniacal laugh here...)
This week seems to be the week that drove a lot of moms over the edge. I've read on more than one blog about mom's needing time away for themselves, or mom's at the end of their ropes. And I am no exception, apparently. Even though PB's class is over, and I've been getting a lot more help with LG, it doesn't help. Now that PB doesn't have to be holed up in the office, he has been outside doing yard work. Leaving me to deal with LG.
Most of the time there is absolutely nothing to complain about. LG is adorable, energetic and relatively low maintenance. Except that you can't do anything if you have him with you. Because he's the kind of kid that gets into everything. I took him outside to water the plants with me. I turn for two seconds to turn on the hose. 3 acorns in his mouth, aiming for #4. I take him upstairs to "help" me pack away winter clothes for summer clothes? Yeah, we won't even go there. I can leave him in his pack and play for a few minutes by himself, but that's just enough time to throw in a quick load of laundry or get a meal on the table before I feel guilty, or he wants out (in the way that he throws himself at the sides in an attempt to tip the darn thing over...). Lately, getting him down for a nap is a 45 minute process, and meal times are an hour and a half (no advice please, I know it's just a phase. it's not a well times phase, though).
So, last night I snapped. He didn't want to nap, and I didn't have the energy to fight. Dinner was another fight. He got about half way through, and got frustrated that I wasn't giving him what he wanted (and I still have no freaking idea what that was). Between the crying, the swiping and the outright throwing, I was done. All I could think of was all the things I had wanted to do, if dinner didn't take over an hour to accomplish. Flowers to water, kitty litter to clean, dishes to wash. Not really "pleasure" stuff, not really stuff that you can put off too long. Just stuff I had neglected in order to make time for LG. Grrrrr. I knew he was still hungry, and didn't want to just say the heck with it.
In the end, I walked out the back door. No, stop freaking out. He was totally safe. Sitting in his chair, all by himself, screaming his head off. He had thrown all his food, so he wasn't going to choke. PB saw me leave and knew he needed to come in. Good man. He was inside within 5 minutes, and reported that LG had stopped crying, but was still pretty fussy. And I replied that I just didn't care. Oops, bad Mommy moment. PB fed him some more, and went up to give him a bath. I cleaned litter, watered flowers, wrapped teacher gifts. And avoided the bathroom. At one point, LG made a run for the door to come find me, and PB was wise enough to stop him. Smart man.
By the time they were mid-way through the bath, I was mostly better. I went in to assist with the dry off and pajaming. I apologized to PB for bailing on him, and to LG for making him cry. In return I got a lot of hugs, and a reminder that PB lost it a few weeks ago, and is just rallying now. Didn't make me feel much better.
What do you do when you just need 5 minutes, but there isn't 5 minutes to spare? When you've been holding on for what seems like ages, only to find out that you can't hold any more? I hate losing my temper with the LG, but he seems to roll with the punches. Much like PB and I. I guess we are all meant to be together.
Ok, this really was more of a ramble than a random thought.