Thursday, April 23, 2009

When did we all become so darn perfect???

Oh, internets. Back in Jan or Feb, a college friend that I keep in touch with via Facebook (love the modern age, huh?) announced that she was expecting. Great news, all around. She's an only child, he husband is an only child and they tried for a while for this baby. Even better news, right? A few weeks ago, when I woke up from my "busy season" mind blur, I wrote her to ask how things were going. And she sent me such a sad reply. They had a quad screen and an amnio, and found out their little boy has Downs Syndrome. That's not what made me sad. She went on to say that many of their friends had no idea what to say about that. That made me sad.

What has it come to when a friend is having a baby, and gets this kind of news, and you can't think of something to say? I replied that a baby is a joy, in whatever form, and he would still be hers to love and snuggle. Celebrate the positive, and you'll find a way to work with the rest. But she sounded so down. People were taking the wind out of her baby sails, and that just made me mad. I hadn't intended to send her a gift, but I needed to do something for her. I put together a box with cute baby stuff and sent it off. I wish I could have done more to let her know that everything will work out. This might be their family's only baby. It deserves to come in with the same excitement that any "normal" baby would.

She wrote again recently to say they did have a victory, though. She had been born with a heart problem that she was nervous would pass to the baby (I guess DS babies are also prone to them, also). But, nope, little one is growing just fine! Good news.

When I was pregnant with LG, I didn't think I wanted to go for any of the "tests" to see if anything was going as planned. PB felt differently, though. He wanted to do the quad screen. His feeling was, it's one blood test, and if we did find out anything, it would give us time to plan. We would never abort a baby (barring an extreme situation), but this would give us a heads up that we needed to make special accommodations. Good thinking. So, we did. And I was happy about that, though I hadn't thought to worry about it. I just had my quad screen for baby #2, and this time I was a little more worried. The issue seemed a little closer to my heart. This one also came back negative, and for that we're thankful.

It has made me think a lot more, though. Much like my college friend, PB and I hang out with a pretty "professional" crowd of people. How would they react if our little one isn't "perfect"? Right now, they are all just amazed at LG. (He's a bit of an overachiever.) But what if #2 isn't? I would like to think they'd all be able to at least fake support, but would they feel bad for us, or want to enjoy the baby the same way they enjoy LG? Just makes you think...

1 comment:

Mrsbear said...

My heart aches for your friend, not because of the Downs but because of her sadness especially after wanting a baby for so long. You did a sweet thing sending her the package. She's going to love her beautiful baby and she should be able to enjoy the miracle of her pregnancy with nobody to cloud it for her.